100 Percent BS
by flabbyknight
Summary: Dinah has a full proof plan to be the cool kid at school.


100% Bullshit

Dinah was lonely. Her parents were always busy with work and she did not get along with children her age. Her Mom said she was just precocious and other children just were not mature as her. But she had a full proof plan to become popular at school and to get her parents' attention. Everybody in her grade was always talking about heroes and villains. Even her parents would talk about the various Capes in the city, even if it was just to complain about them. So she would just have to pretend to have super powers to get their attention. She just had to come up with a power that nobody could prove that she did not have.

She thought about what types of capes there were to choose from. 'How did it go again? Oh that's right. Mover, Shaker, Brute and Breaker. Master, Tinker, Blaster and Thinker, Striker, Changer, Trump and Stranger.' She would be some sort of Thinker. 'You can't see somebody thinking so they can't prove that I am not doing it. Okay now to make being a Thinker cool.' Dinah deliberated on what to do before she remembered those paper fortune tellers that were currently popular at school. She would tell peoples future!

Now she had to it in a way that was never wrong or else nobody would be impressed. She thought about it for minute before smirking. She would give percentages, so if some asked something and she got it wrong, she could always go "Well I said it was 82.324% chance of it happening you just got that 17.676% chance of failure." No one could prove that she did not have super powers. It was the perfect plan and nothing could possibly go wrong.

* * *

Okay then. Everything went wrong that could go wrong and she was dumb for thinking otherwise. First her parents saw through her ruse and did not believe her for a second. Her Dad merely looked amused and asked her if she really thought they could not tell if she was lying to them. The kids her age were too dumb to get the nuance of her power. They would just say that she got the fortune wrong. She would try to explain percentages to them and how in fact that she was still correct, but they just rolled their eyes at her.

And then to top it all off the only person that did believe her was a super villain who kidnapped her. She tried to explain to him that she did not in fact have powers, but he did not believe her. She could only conclude that he was dumber than the other twelve year olds in her class. He had to give 'candy' to make her admit that she really did have powers. Worst part was that he was creepy weirdo, who would pet her head and call her his pet. She was worried that he would do more, but fortunately he never did.

So here she was just making up random numbers so that he would give her 'candy'. She had to pretend that she would get headaches from the questions or else he would just keep asking her question after question. 'What are the chances of me taking over the city in the next year? 67%. Would somebody try to kill me today? 4%. Is Tattletale making a move against him in the next month? 10%.' It just went on and on. Ugh.

Dinah's favorite pastime was fucking with Coil. It was her little revenge against him she couldn't do it too often or he would catch on, but today though she was in particularly bad mood, so she decided to risk it. She spoke up "Coil?"

"What is it, pet?"

"44.20383% chance I die in the next half-hour."

She hid her amusement as Coil began asking her question to try and trying to figure out what was going to happen to them. Watching him squirm filled her with a vicious joy. She pretended to develop a headache just to dick with him. Then he demanded to know how they were going to survive Crawler's attack. 'Wait. They were actually under attack. Holy shit'.

She had weirdest luck ever. Of course now there was actually a chance that she could die in the next thirty minutes, but she was more amazed that her random guesses was correct. And now he was asking her more questions so they did not all die and she had no idea what the answer was. 'Great, just great.' Well she would just have wing it and hope for the best.

* * *

"Mmm," Dinah said.

"What is it, pet?" Coil murmured.

"It's him."

"Who?"

She pointed at the screen, at Jack Slash. "Him."

"You're going to have to explain it to us, pet. What about him?"

"He's the one who makes everyone die."

She watched as all the villains around her began to panic and make plans to kill Jack Slash before he left the city. She barely managed to stop herself from smirking. It went just as planned, now they would be forced to confront Jack Slash and the Slaughterhouse 9 or else 'the world would end'. They were all dead men walking. She hoped that this would destroy Coil and all of his plans.

* * *

The Nine where gone and somehow none of Coil's minion were killed. God damn it.

AN: I thought it would be funny the reason that Dinah's Parents did not believe that she was not parahuman was not denial and instead they saw through her bullshit.


End file.
